It feels good to be me again in some small ways. Since moving I've struggled with a few things. One of the main things has been feeling like I need to keep a clean and perfect apartment as proof that I've grown up and matured enough to no longer be the girl who had both boyfriends and girlfriends begging her to let them clean her bedroom.
A few weeks ago I realized that I was basically living in fear that my neighbors would come over and I'd open the door and be judged if the place was a mess...not a filthy mess, but a cluttered mess. This is a small one room apartment that I live in and work in with a cat no less! I realized that while clutter stresses me out, it is usually more because of how I feel others will view me rather than how I view myself.
I decided to ease up on myself a bit. There are going to be times this place is a mess. Making things, packing orders, displaying stones, beads, altars, my habit of leaving cups and nail polish bottles on the floor...I can cope.
Here are some pictures of the things I choose to focus on most of the time. It's true, I am not showing you the cat box or the dirty dishes, but I am showing you some very real mini scenes of my life the past couple of days! The first pic is of some pages I took out of one my beautiful textile books to make stickers for shop packaging.
I wish I could show you...
when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.